Category Archives: 1 star books

Dangerous Lies

Dangerous Lies

Rating: 1 Star

Synopsis via Goodreads:

A teen is forced to make a fresh start after witnessing a violent crime—but love and danger find her anyway in this novel from Becca Fitzpatrick, the New York Times bestselling author of the Hush, Hush saga.

Stella Gordon is not her real name. Thunder Basin, Nebraska, is not her real home. This is not her real life.

After witnessing a lethal crime, Stella Gordon is sent to the middle of nowhere for her own safety before she testifies against the man she saw kill her mother’s drug dealer.

But Stella was about to start her senior year with the boyfriend she loves. How can she be pulled away from the only life she knows and expected to start a new one in Nebraska? Stella chafes at her protection and is rude to everyone she meets. She’s not planning on staying long, so why be friendly? Then she meets Chet Falconer and it becomes harder to keep her guard up, even as her guilt about having to lie to him grows.

As Stella starts to feel safer, the real threat to her life increases—because her enemies are actually closer than she thinks…

DNF at 10%.

This was ridiculous. Absolutely, utterly, completely ridiculous.

I don’t even know why I try. I don’t have a good track record with any previous Becca Fitzpatrick novel . . . and I’ve read them all.

I think I may have to throw in the towel for good on this author.

I can’t even deal with Stella. I can put up with a lot of BS from a character, but five pages in and I was ready to throw the book at the wall. The only thing stopping me was fear of the noise it would make and then attempting to explain why I threw an object at the wall like it had bitten me, and because no matter how bad a book is, I simply cannot bring myself to inadvertently hurt it. So sue me.

ANYWAYS.

Stella goes on my list of bratty, whiny female characters. Like, really. You want to give the definition of a stereotypical middle-class, latte drinking, brand name wearing, American teenage girl, well, Stella’s your girl.

I just don’t get characters like Stella. When I was sixteen, I don’t think I was anything like Stella. I was doing nothing but school and clubs and reading and more reading and drinking tea. I never even liked lattes.

I concur.

Stella bascially has a death wish. That is what I got out of the few chapters I could bring myself to read of this book. Stella is hidden away in rural Nebraska (and FYI, I used to live in Nebraska, and it’s not all full of corn growing, country hicks on tractors, okay?) because people are most likely trying to kill her.

(Frankly, I understand the feeling.)

Stella does everything you’re NOT supposed to do when trying to stay hidden. She breaks all the rules because she sees this as unfair. Well, it is unfair. You get over it. Wanna be mad, be mad at your mother for putting you in this situation, be mad at Danny Balando who is trying to kill you, but don’t freakin’ take it out of the people trying to keep you alive.

Maybe Stella gets better. Maybe, but I wasn’t holding my breath.

I got to the point (which was about 10% the way through the book) where I just couldn’t imagine anything Stella doing or saying going forward that would save my opinion of her, so I got out before my blood pressure rose any higher.

I’m thinking that was a smart idea.

Of course I could tell there was going to be a love triangle after the first chapter. Stella can’t shut up about her perfect little boyfriend who she was so cruelly, absolutely cruelly taken from and thrown into little hick-town, Nebraska. So cruel. It wasn’t, like, the government was trying to save her life or anything.

I mean, it was her boyfriend.

But, of course, that doesn’t stop the wandering eyes to the best looking hick Stella’s ever seen. Mowing those lawns at 5AM in the morning, waking her up with his sweaty, naked chest. So inconvenient.

I give one guess to who Stella’s going to end up with, and it won’t be boyfriend-what’s-his-name.

Naw, it’ll be the good lookin’ hick. Who I’m guessing won’t have a shirt on half the time and will likely have a nice drawl to his words and is caring and an alpha male and has a secretive, dangerous past that Stella will get thrown into, but their love shall overcome!

Did I get it right?

I think so.

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Stray

Stray (Four Sisters, #1)

Rating: 1 Star

Synopsis via Goodreads:

I am grateful for my father, who keeps me good and sweet. I am grateful for my mother, who keeps her own heart guarded and safe. I am grateful for my adviser, who keeps me protected. I am grateful for the Path, which keeps me pure. Ever after.

Princess Aislynn has long dreamed about attending her Introduction Ball, about dancing with the handsome suitors her adviser has chosen for her, about meeting her true love and starting her happily ever after.

When the night of the ball finally arrives and Nerine Academy is awash with roses and royalty, Aislynn wants nothing more than to dance the night away, dutifully following the Path that has been laid out for her. She does not intend to stray.

But try as she might, Aislynn has never quite managed to control the magic that burns within her-magic brought on by wicked, terrible desires that threaten the Path she has vowed to take.

After all, it is wrong to want what you do not need. Isn’t it?

DNF around 60%. This was beyond insulting to read.

This was me reading this book:

I don’t typically consider myself a feminist, just because the use of that word can take on a different meaning, one that coordinates with more than just equality of women and men, and can be somewhat negative. Lately, I’ve heard being a feminist can sometimes mean going against dressing modestly and instead dressing in a revealing manner, a way to go against how society used to think women should be dressed and not showing any skin. Or being a feminist could mean not only wanted equality, but down-right hating men, and taking any compliment as an insult. It could mean not wanting a man to open a car door for you, because somehow this makes you seem weak. Chivalry has become an insult because it somehow means a man doesn’t think a woman can do things for herself, when really it’s just him being polite and a gentleman. I’ve heard it mentioned before that for a woman to be a feminist, she has to sleep around, or even that she has to be lesbian (that makes no bloody sense). I’ve also heard it said that no Christian woman (or religious in general) can be feminist, because religion undermines them.

Obviously, none of this is true. To me, being a feminist means simply believing in the equality in men and women. It means neither is better or greater than the other. We are different (obviously), but that doesn’t really mean anything. Differences don’t make one gender better than the other.

I hate that I’ve read recent articles about men not feeling like they can be chivalrous to women because then women sometimes get mad at them, telling them they can open their own damn doors or that they don’t need or want to be treated differently than a man, even if that just means helping a woman up if she trips or falls. Because men have an instinct to be more protective of women, and I see nothing wrong with this so long as he understands that I’ve perfectly capable to take care of myself, but it’s sometimes nice to be taken care of. It’s the same vice-versa.

I like it when a man opens a door for me, or even just holds it open a smidge longer because he sees me walking towards it. So what? I do the same thing even if it’s a man. Or when you’re on a date, and a man wants you to wait in the car for a smidge longer so he can come around and open your door for you. What the heck is wrong with that? Obviously you can open it yourself, but he’s being polite. I love that. A guy would get so many brownie points for doing something like for me. (My dad used to open the car door for me when I was growing up. Every. Time. I loved it.)

So, no, I don’t like to call myself a feminist, because the criteria I’ve heard to be a feminist doesn’t make sense to me. Not everyone’s definition of a feminist adds up to this, obviously, but it’s mostly what I hear now-in-days. So I stray from that word, if you will (I’m sorry . . . I had to).

But this book basically had my inner feminist screaming her head off. While I don’t think this was what the author intended, and while I hope later in the book Aislynn has some character development and grows a backbone, for the sake of my mental stability, I cannot go on reading this.

I wanted to downright murder every man in this book. In this world, women are treated as cursed beings, born with magic they cannot fully control and are therefore to be punished when they have a “spell” and some of their magic leaks out because no one is training them on how to control it. Instead, every time they have spree of magic leak out from them, such as turning the color of their bed sheets when they have a nightmare, it is recorded in a book, and once they are “claimed” by their husbands, it is given to them, and after they are married, the husband at any time could claim that their wife is using magic or that she can’t have children for whatever reason and leave her, abandon her. They are treated as nothing more than little pets the husbands can dispose of, and they are even forced to dress in a specific color to show their station in life.

Now, there are a lot of books out there that show women in lower stations, such as a historical book back when women were not treated equally, and while I usually have to grit my teeth to get through some parts, I don’t usually react this way. It’s history, and so we remember things like that, as we should. I have no problem with that.

But this is not a historical related book. And that’s fine. There are other books I’ve never had a problem with that undermine women that aren’t historical related for the purpose of the storyline. Other fantasy books. But with those books, I’ve never read a character that so fully believes what she is told my society, by men. I have never read about such a stupid, naïve woman who believes everything she is told so simply. I hate it, I hate it so much.

To an extent, I understand this and would deal with this. When you’ve grown up being lectured and told that you are not equal in life, it’s a difficult thing to believe anything different. But there should still be a nagging little voice in your head that says this is wrong, that things should be better.

Aislynn does not have that. She accepts everything because she fully believes she deserves to be hurt and that she is less because of her gender and because she was born with magic. She is a royal, and believes that the commoners should be treated like livestock, and they are too dim-witted to not be led astray.

It made my blood boil. I got to 60% and had to put the book down, because combined with this and her utter lack of motivation to do anything to stop this, I just couldn’t deal anymore. I felt insulted.

And then there was the insta-love. Aislynn had her “loving heart” removed early on in the book, which is basically her desires to want a man and to feel attraction and lust. But there’s still insta-love. How, you ask?

Da hell if I know.

“While all women are wicked, not all are weak.”  

(*angry noises from Hannah*)

Do I seriously need to explain what’s wrong with that sentence? I hope the answer is a big, fat “NO,” but I’m gonna do it anyways.

Firstly, da hell are you calling wicked? Would you like for me to give you a list of all the “wicked” things men can do? Because I can. I can get real nasty, too. Firstly, who defines what “wickedness” even is? Also, both women and men can be wicked, and it has nothing to do with gender, and in this book’s case, nothing to do with being born with magic either. This royally pissed me off.

While we’re on this subject, let me also say I’m Christian. I was born into a Christian family, I grew up in so many different kinds of “Christian” churches I could rant for days (due to my military upbringing I moved around states a lot, therefore I was a member of more churches than I care to speak about),  and I will still bite the head off of anyone who would try to tell me I’m not equal to a man. My religion doesn’t make a bloody difference in this.

Just don’t read this. Honestly, I would recommend you read The Selection before I would recommend reading this, and that’s really, really saying something.

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An Ember in the Ashes

An Ember in the Ashes (An Ember in the Ashes, #1)

Rating: 1 Star

Synopsis via Goodreads:

Laia is a slave.

Elias is a soldier.

Neither is free.

Under the Martial Empire, defiance is met with death. Those who do not vow their blood and bodies to the Emperor risk the execution of their loved ones and the destruction of all they hold dear.

It is in this brutal world, inspired by ancient Rome, that Laia lives with her grandparents and older brother. The family ekes out an existence in the Empire’s impoverished backstreets. They do not challenge the Empire. They’ve seen what happens to those who do.

But when Laia’s brother is arrested for treason, Laia is forced to make a decision. In exchange for help from rebels who promise to rescue her brother, she will risk her life to spy for them from within the Empire’s greatest military academy.

There, Laia meets Elias, the school’s finest soldier—and secretly, its most unwilling. Elias wants only to be free of the tyranny he’s being trained to enforce. He and Laia will soon realize that their destinies are intertwined—and that their choices will change the fate of the Empire itself.

Well. This was boring.

I don’t get it. Everyone on Goodreads is raving about this book and wanting the sequel and in love with Elias and blah, blah, blah, and then there’s me, over here in my little reading nook, using a great amount of willpower to get through this book.

I almost failed in even doing that much. About 1/3 into the book, I saw how this was going for me, but continued to look at reviews of this book and just made myself believe that it gets better and continuing it was worth it. By halfway into the book, I gave up on this hope. Still, I continued, and more than 2/3 into it, I dropped it for about a week until I finally forced myself to pick it back up and skim the rest of it. It was brutal, I will not lie.

Firstly, I felt no connection with any of the characters. None, not an inkling. I tried too. I tried to like Elias and Laia. I tried to admire her courage into becoming a slave in the hope’s of freeing her brother. I understood all the things she did, and I never considered her stupid or childish. She’s desperate and she knows it. I get that. But . . . still. I just couldn’t make myself like the girl. I didn’t hate her or even dislike her, I just . . . felt nothing for her. Same goes for Elias. He’s not stupid, and also desperate. But I just felt nothing for him.

“There are two kinds of guilt. The kind that’s a burden and the kind that gives you purpose. Let your guilt be your fuel. Let it remind you of who you want to be. Draw a line in your mind. Never cross it again. You have a soul. It’s damaged but it’s there. Don’t let them take it from you.”

They’re not even bad characters! In some cases, they’re great characters! They’re not whiny, not annoying, but . . . again, I just didn’t feel a thing for either of them. Oh, Laia, you’re about to get killed by your slave owner? Okie, dookie.

It’s not even that the characters are stereotypes or are obvious, because they’re not. But there was just something missing in the writing and character development that made me feel anything.

Reading this was like reading a textbook – I understood everything I was reading, but do I really care? Not really. I always had that underlying sense of thinking about better things I had to do.

Maybe it was because it was unconsciously comparing it to the Throne of Glass series. And nothing is going to live up to that in my book.

We have this cool world where there’s basically an assassin academy where they all wear masks that plaster onto their faces and slaves and magic and mythical creatures and a plot to overthrow the evil Emperor, and I. Just. Didn’t. Give. A. Hoot.

So . . . yeah. I’m probably not going to read the sequel. If I do, I am desperate and very, very bored.

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Ghost House

Ghost House

Rating: 1 Star (actually, even that’s too high of a rating. Goodness me, this is going to be a fun review.)

Synopsis via Goodreads:

After the loss of her mother, Chloe Kennedy starts seeing the ghosts that haunted her as a young girl again. Spending time at her grandmother’s country estate in the south of England is her chance to get away from her grief and the spirits that haunt her. Until she meets a mysterious stranger…

Alexander Reade is 157 years dead, with secrets darker than the lake surrounding Grange Hall and a lifelike presence that draws Chloe more strongly than any ghost before. But the bond between them awakens the vengeful spirit of Alexander’s past love, Isobel. And she will stop at nothing to destroy anyone who threatens to take him from her.

To stop Isobel, Chloe must push her developing abilities to their most dangerous limits, even if it means losing Alex forever… and giving the hungry dead a chance to claim her for their own.

It’s been a long while since I’ve read a book that was so horrible I found myself laughing hysterically at the dialogue at random intervals, because, good gosh, this was just ridiculous.

The amount of insta-love was ridiculous. I mean, I didn’t think it was actually possible to put this much insta-love in a book. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve read a lot of insta-love books, where your typical beautiful-but-doesn’t-know-it sixteen/seventeen-year-old girl falls for the mysterious hot-hot boy immediately upon initial sight, but, oh, there’s that other boy, you know, the other ridiculously hot boy-next-door type but just a hundred times hotter, who is also in love with the girl for no reason whatsoever besides that she’d special (*gag*).

But this? This was all that on crack.

Chloe has just lost her mother. No one understands her. She has all of two girl friends who have no other purpose in the book besides being catty, b-words who had literally almost no appearances, but were simply page fillers as a background noise to highlight how amazing and pure and unique of a girl Chloe was.

Excuse me while I barf.

The girls (who I cannot even remember the names of) are pointed out fairly early as, well, sluts. They are your A-typical stereotypical teenage girls who party and get drunk and sleep around and throw up in the bathtub on a weekly basis.

Firstly, I take offense to any books that depict girls this way. Yes, there are girls out there like that, but to simply paint them in this light, to show them as nothing more than slutty girls who have no other desire than another drink and cute boy at the next party is just so pretentious. Because Lord knows that boys are almost never painted in this light. Oh, he sleeps around and cheats on his girlfriend? Whatever. He’s a stud and a typical teenage boy. But for a girl to do this? She’s a slut. She’s vain and selfish and doesn’t have a brain cell to her name.

And this is shown especially true when compared to the light of Alex (aka, unrealistic ghost boy), who had not only slept with his brother’s wife and carried on that affair until he and everyone died a tragic death, but is he ever held accountable? Nope. Because it wasn’t his fault. He loved her, maaaaannn. He tried to leave her so her reputation would stay intact. He tried to be the good guy, okay?

Oh, hell no.

This little ghost boy had the gall to call Chloe’s friends “harlots” because of how they dress, but him? He’s pure as a saint.

To be fair, I kind of went into this book knowing that it was going to suck, badly.  I mean, all anyone would have to do it go onto Goodreads and look through a handful of reviews, and I think the overall feeling is pretty clear.

And this is also because I read Adornetto’s first series, Halo, when I was younger. A lot younger. Like, during the time when I first was finding my love in YA books. So, no, I will not be held accountable that I initially liked her first series, but then later, after I’d realized what good YA looked like, I realized it was complete crap.

There is very little else that can get my blood boiling as much as (what I’ve heard other reviews refer to as, so I will also call it as) slut-slamming. When the perfect little heroine has two or three female friends that have no personality whatsoever except to be held up against the angel light of the protagonist, for everyone to go, Oh, look how perfect Chloe is compared to her slutty little friends!

Now, let’s talk about the insta-love.

(Oh, how I loath thee.)

It’s times like this that I wish I was able to legally drink. It’s books like this that would push me towards becoming an alcoholic.

Let me give you an example:

“I’ve never encountered a girl quite like you, Chloe,” he said. “You’re quite remarkable.”

This is on page 94, people. PAGE. NINETY-FOUR.

Firstly, Alex, the reason you’ve probably never encountered a girl like Chloe is because you’ve been dead for quite a long time now. And I would suspect that your possible reads around that gray, old British mansion don’t include many YA books. But don’t worry, I’ll ship those right over so you can see just how un-unique Chloe really is.

Also, WHAT THE BLOODY HELL.

There is literally nothing special about Chloe. LITERALLY. Name one thing, I dare you. And don’t even think about saying it’s because she can see and hear ghosts. Because I can think of a handful of books off the top of my head with girls exactly like Chloe who can see ghosts and, oh yeah, falls madly in love with some supernatural boy.

Alex says this not even three times after meeting her. THREE.

What does he even know about her? Oh, yeah, it’s because she’s so flippin’ SPPPPEECCCCIIIIIIAAAALLLLLLLL.

God have mercy.

And then there’s poor, stupid little Joe. The third part of our disastrous love-triangle.

Because, of course, when Chloe gets shipped off with her little brother to live with her grandmother in a ridiculously large mansion, there has to be that hot-sexy-beast of a town boy who works around the land. Who, oh yeah, plays music and loves horses. OHMIGOSH GUYS. HE LOVES ANNIMMMAAAALLLLSSSSS! IT’S A DUN DONE DEAL.

Right off the bat, Joe is all over Chloe. Because she’s ssooooo prreettttyyyyy. But she doesn’t know it. And she feels the need to argue with every compliment anyone ever gives her. JUST SAY THANK YOU. IT’S REALLY NOT THAT DIFFICULT.

Joe is asking her out and trying to get her to go to the ball with him (oh, yeah. Did I mention there’s a ball at her grandmother’s mansion? Because of course there is. Where else will the chandelier fall on the love-interest and almost kill him? You silly) after, like, ten minutes of meeting her. Because she’s special. And she’s puurrrtttyyyyy.

Did I mention she’s special?

Because she’s ssoooo flippin’ spppeeccciiiiaaallllll.

Gosh. Am I twenty-one yet?

Don’t even get me started on the writing. It was just atrocious and that’s all I’ll say about it. Because if I really went into it, this review would need a second review to hold all the critiques and bashing I could do on the writing alone. SO. Let’s not go there right now in the sake of my blood pressure.

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The Queen of Zombie Hearts

The Queen of Zombie Hearts (White Rabbit Chronicles, #3)

Rating: 1 Star

Synopsis via Goodreads:

I have a plan.

We’ll either destroy them for good, or they’ll destroy us.

Either way, only one of us is walking away.

In the stunning conclusion to the wildly popular White Rabbit Chronicles, Alice “Ali” Bell thinks the worst is behind her. She’s ready to take the next step with boyfriend Cole Holland, the leader of the zombie slayers…until Anima Industries, the agency controlling the zombies, launches a sneak attack, killing four of her friends. It’s then she realizes that humans can be more dangerous than monsters…and the worst has only begun.

As the surviving slayers prepare for war, Ali discovers she, too, can control the zombies…and she isn’t the girl she thought she was. She’s connected to the woman responsible for killing—and turning—Cole’s mother. How can their relationship endure? As secrets come to light, and more slayers are taken or killed, Ali will fight harder than ever to bring down Anima—even sacrificing her own life for those she loves.

Shhhhh . . .

Can you hear that? That’s the sound of Hannah losing faith in the YA genre.

Honestly, this isn’t going to be much of a review because I just truly cannot figure out where to start in on all-the-bad in this novel.  There’s just so much. And so little – actually, cross that out, there’s just no good whatsoever about this book or the series in general.

My main annoyances can be found in the characters and how they’re portrayed. For more ranting about this, just look here: https://obsessivereads.wordpress.com/2014/01/08/through-the-zombie-glass/. Because I’m just too lazy at the moment to write a full review that will mirror the review of the previous book. It’s pointless.

It’s amazing, but the characters have actually gotten worse. This should not even be called a re-working of Alice in Wonderland. Firstly, because there is so little in common and simply naming the main character Alice does not suffice, and, two, because labeling this in any way as somehow related to Alice in Wonderland would be the utmost disservice to the childhood classic.

And, so, prone to my lazy ways, here is a collaboration of gifs/memes for you to understand all my feels during the long – oh-so painfully long – experience of reading this atrocity:

As for those of you who will ignore this and read this series:

Good luck with that.

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Waterfall

Waterfall (Teardrop, #2)

Rating: 1 Star

Synopsis via Goodreads:

From the #1 New York Times bestselling author of the Fallen books comes WATERFALL, a novel about love, betrayal, and epic consequences—a world-altering tale told by a girl whose tears have the power to raise the lost continent of Atlantis. This second novel in the Teardrop series is intensely romantic, with strong, hot main characters caught up in a thrilling fantastical love triangle. For readers who love Lauren Kate and the worlds of Alyson Noël, P. C. Cast, Maggie Stiefvater, and Veronica Rossi.

Eureka’s tears have flooded the earth, and now Atlantis is rising, bringing with it its evil king, Atlas. Eureka is the only one who can stop him, but first she must learn how to fight. She travels across the ocean with Cat, her family, and Ander, the gorgeous and mysterious Seedbearer who promises to help her find Solon, an enigmatic lost Seedbearer who knows how to defeat Atlas.

Once on land, Eureka is taunted by gossipwitches, a group of displaced Atlantean sorceresses, and ambushed by locals struggling to survive amid the destruction her tears have wrought. And she feels no closer to facing Atlas or saving the world when Solon lets slip that love is Ander’s weakness, and that any affection he feels toward her makes him age faster.

Trying to make sense of the dark world her sorrow has created, Eureka receives startling insight from an enchanted pond. Her bewildering reflection reveals a soul-crushing secret: if she’s strong enough, Eureka can draw on this knowledge to defeat Atlas—unless her broken heart is just what he needs to fuel his rising kingdom…

In Waterfall, Eureka has the chance to save the world. But she’ll have to give up everything—even love.

I think this book and what I’m feeling can be surmised in two words: Da fuck?!?

I literally have no clue in hell what just happened.

Like, I truly think I have just lost some brain cells after finishing that.

It’s not that this is a bad storyline or even that it’s written badly (though isn’t the best, either), but it’s the fact that I literally have no idea what just happened.

Maybe I should put a spoiler warning with this post, but, quite honestly, I don’t think the things I’m going to talk about can be classified as spoilers, because Heaven knows that no one who reads this is going to be able to properly identify exactly what fresh hell just went on, so lets get too it.

I’m sitting here at my desk writing this, just completely laughing my butt off because I am so confused. Did Eureka die at the end? I dunno. It seems like she did, but who the hell knows? Oh, and Ander? WTF?!? Is he no longer the one you love, Eureka? This is a rhetorical question, because I literally have no clue, nor do I particularly care.

Because Brooks was suddenly all your teenage hormone mind could seem to care about during this book, so who knows? And then at the end . . . Did Brooks die too? I literally have no idea. I hope so. If for no other reason than to make this somewhat more interesting, but, hell, my brain is already revolting against me right now, so what do I know?

Imma hot mess right now, if you can’t already tell.

Ander seriously got swept to the side in this book. It was all about him and Eureka and going against fate and true love and yadda, yadda, yadda, and then, all of a sudden, poof – no more romance. What the hell?!?  

I mean, don’t get me wrong – I didn’t like the guy already. But I figured he, Brooks, and Eureka were going to make the typical love triangle where we all knew poor Brooks didn’t stand a chance.

Well, guess I was wrong.

And this surprise wasn’t even a good thing. It made absolutely no sense.

The worst part – besides not having a clue as to . . . well . . . everything that went on in this novel – was that Eureka never even really broke it off with Ander. I mean, sure, I guess they were never officially together, but come on Eureka, when a guy goes against his homicidally insane family to save your life over saving the world, you gotta let the poor sap know you don’t love him.

I thought this was a trilogy. There’s no way it is now with that ending. Again, I still don’t really understand what just happened during the last few pages of that ending – and for the sake of my brain cells, I don’t think I’m even going to try – but it kind of left no room for another book.

Gosh, I don’t even know what else to say. I’m so confused and this was just a ridiculous excuse for a sequel. The first one was bad, but bad in a way that I still got through it and on some infinitely small way enjoyed parts of it, but this? This is truly one of the worst books I have ever read. And that’s really saying something.

My brain, guys. It hurts.

Do yourself a favor and don’t read this. I don’t even care if you’ve read the first book in the series and are like me where you have this stupid compulsive disorder that when you start a series, you must finish it. GO AGAINST IT. Tie yourself to a chair and tell your reading buddy NOT to let you touch your library card. I do not care how much it hurts; I am already saving you agony. DON’T GIVE IN TO THE IMPULSE, PEOPLE.

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Vivian Divine is Dead

Vivian Divine Is Dead

Rating: 1 Star

Synopsis via Goodreads:

Filled with surprising twists and poignant moments, Lauren Sabel brings a fresh new voice to contemporary fiction with Vivian Divine Is Dead. Creepy, clever, funny, and romantic.

When a death threat arrives with teen celebrity Vivian Divine’s fan mail, Vivian has no choice but to go on the run to Mexico. She soon discovers, though, that her Oscar-nominated performance killing villains on-screen did nothing to prepare her for escaping a madman in real life. Some people say he’s a hero, others tremble in his presence, but one thing is clear: he won’t stop until Vivian is in his grasp. Why didn’t she pay more attention during those judo lessons for her role in Zombie Killer?

Vivian finds an ally in the mysterious and charming Nick. He is everything Hollywood boys are not-genuine, kind, and determined to see Vivian for who she really is. But even he seems like he can’t be trusted-what could he be hiding?

Beat up, hungry, and more confused than ever about who she’s running from, Vivian is living in a real-life blockbuster horror flick. But there’s no option to yell “cut” like there is on set….

Lauren Sabel’s Vivian Divine Is Dead is a creepy, witty, fast-paced adventure about family, fame, and having the courage to save yourself.

Allow me to reiterate a part of that synopsis: “Filled with surprising twists and poignant moments . . . fresh new voice to contemporary fiction . . . Creepy, clever, funny, and romantic.”

Yeah, soooo . . . this was utter crap.

I usually try to find some kind of redeeming factor in the books I read. I’ve read some horrid crap, too. But this was just ridiculous. I gave up not even halfway into the novel, skimming my way through the rest because (1) the plot is so ridiculously simple that even by skimming you can easily understand everything that’s going on and (2) I just stopped giving a hoot.

Vivian is not the worst protagonist I’ve ever read. No, really, she isn’t. Yes, there are worst out there. Shocking, I know.

First off, spoiler alert: Vivian Divine does not actually die.

Pity.

Let’s talk about Vivian Divine. She’s a sixteen-year-old girl who had her famous actress of a mother who died by mysterious circumstances and a very famous father who is also a director. Vivien is the offspring of these two powerhouses and is, of course, also an actress. An Oscar award winning actress.

Then she gets a death note. Well . . . not really a note, per say, but a video of her mother’s report about how she died, but instead of her mother, it’s about Vivian. Oh, the horror!

So her personal body guard, Mary, screams bloody murder like any professional body guard should in the face of danger (WTF?!?) and tells Vivian that no, she should not go to the police, BECAUSE THEY CANNOT BE TRUSTED (OBVIOUSLY), and that the rational thing to do in this situation would be to hop on a bus alone and go down to Mexico, where she does not speak a lick of Spanish and has never actually been on her own before.

I WONDER HOW THIS IS GOING TO GO.

Of course, as fate would have it, Vivian gets her bag stolen with everything in it, and has to put her trust in a bigoted, cruel boy WHO IS ALSO FREAKIN’ HOOOOTTTTT. Because what’s a girl to do, right? She’s hungry, tired, and doesn’t know what to do. FEED ME PEASANT.

The boy – Nick – is also – how to say this? Oh, wait, I know! – a complete ass. Because he’s Spanish and she’s American, and of course that must mean she is the devil’s span. Because she must have a rich Mommy and Daddy and the oh-so perfect life Hollywood likes to portray in their films, right?

Excuse me, kid, I think not.

Is Vivian annoying, petty, and – yes, I’ll admit it – a rich little girl who’s never had to lift a finger? Darn right she is.

BUT THIS BOY OVER HERE.

I wish to smack him in the face and take a good punch to his man-area.

Oh, and just to make matters worse – INSTA-LOVE ALL AROUND PEOPLE.

Vivian and Nick at first sight: I HATE YOU RICH, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING AMERICAN GIRL. I HATE YOU TOO FILTHY BOY WHO MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE STOLEN MY BAG. FEED ME PEASANT!

Five seconds later:  OMG YOU ARE SOOOOO HOOOOOTTTTT. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY PLEASE TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF. BLUSHING EVERY FIVE SECONDS. ABBBBBBSSSSSSS. I LOVE YOOOUUUUUUUUU. ABBBBBBBSSSSSS.

For the love of all that is holy.

DIE A PAINFUL DEATH.

Another part from the synopsis: “Lauren Sabel’s Vivian Divine Is Dead is a creepy, witty, fast-paced adventure about family, fame, and having the courage to save yourself.

Because they don’t sound better. Not at all.

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